THE ARRIVAL

As I sail up along the west side of the bunny rabbit the wind really pipes up. 22 knots and climbing. I’m still head sail only and juniper is moving good, but in this wind the mainsail would really set her in her groove. For instance, sometimes I’ll catch a big wave and juniper wobbles down it like a three legged creature, but with the main up she’d be surfing. I’m too lazy of course to hoist it. I need to conserve what speck of energy is left in me for I don’t know what.

Some rain clouds are rolling by, but they only have drips and drops, so it’s not enough water to stop my shine. I’m getting itchy to see this rabbit-shaped island. I use my little satellite device to message some friends at the anchorage and ask them to pass my ETA on to the immigrations and customs officers. I hope they get it.

What I really want to do when I arrive is set my anchor, clear into the country, drink a cocktail, pass out, and then not wake up until like 8 or even 10 AM the next day. That will never happen. For one, I don’t have any booze onboard. For two, I can never ever ever ever ever sleep past sunrise. I’m like the opposite of a vampire. Night hits and my lights go out, day rises and so do I.

Gosh darn it my fingers are making me tell y’all something that I was trying to keep a secret! Mom, I wanted to speak to you about this first, but we can talk at length about it when I’m home for the holidays. In the meantime, please sit down and also call a friend, preferably Uncle Jeff, before you continue reading. Oh and perhaps a little box of chocolates next to you would not hurt. Oh and maybe some Kleenex, and a pillow to squeeze as hard as you’d like to squeeze my neck after reading this. Oh and have Mary and Bess there too. Right next to you. Oh and remember also that God is with me always in all my high endeavors. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

Ok ok ok, here it is, I signed up for the race. I had to. It was all I thought about. It was all I dreamt about. I was possessed by the idea! It was like some bad song on repeat in my head, and it would not shut up until I sang along. This race feels like it was created for me, and I don’t even like racing so I don’t know why this is. But right now the idea of it is the only thing lighting my fire and blowing wind up my skirt. Also, when I dream about it I wake up with the most exhilarating feeling inside, it’s the same feeling I get when I dream that I am flying, and you know how connected I am to my dreams. They are the lighthouse of my life. I literally follow my dreams.

I still can’t tell you which race it is, but soon I will. Anyway what I have been doing up until now is cruising and what I’m about to do is voyaging. And it will take me two and half years of training and preparing the boat to make it happen. I will be living, eating, and breathing this thing. And I don’t know why I’m supposed to do it, but I know that I am and I know it is a part of my life’s greater purpose to do so.

Ok I can breathe again now that the cats out of the bag. I feel better. Do you feel better? I freaking hope so. I’m at the pass now. I’m taking this west side one versus the north, because it’s a lot closer, but it looks super narrow. I’m grateful that I arrived in daylight so I can clearly see it’s fringe.

I’m weaving my way in it now. I’ve got a massive shallow sand bank on one side of me and rocks piled up on the other. Colorful boats are blitzing by and the shallows are topaz. The current should be in my favor according to the chart, but lord it is against me. Must the current alway be against me?

I bet I could do this at night. When it comes to passes I wonder if I’m less afraid of what I can’t see? It feels like a video game at night, a little surreal. During the day all my dangers are visible and it’s really real.

I make it through the pass. There is a green cargo ship blasting across the bay. I am putzing along and the water is the color of ocean deep but my depth alarm is going off. It shows 2 meters. I throttle back. I do a small circle. I look around. Nothing. I bet it’s some sea creature. I throttle back up and keep going.

The anchorage is small and jam packed. Five boats. I know all of them but one. That one happens to be a catamaran captained by a brain doctor and crewed by five women who are all wearing thongs and waving their butts in the wind like flags. It’s like some water cult. They are in a country where it’s taboo to show anything above the knees so of course the villagers are staring at that boat like it’s a TV.

A yellow long boat with the customs and immigration dudes arrives before I have even set the anchor. They all have betel nut teeth and are begging me for a beer that I don’t have. I’m fully cleared into the Solomon’s 30 minutes after I dropped the hook! It’s unheard of.

Fish are jumping across the bay in schools so big that they sound like waves crashing onto a shore. I see schools of squid and long needle-nosed fish flying out of the water and this whole world they are living in is dark jungle green and still. I want to see shore, but I’m broken from the journey, it was too short to get into any flow and the heartbreaking sound of my sails back winding on the swell is still haunting my head. I fall asleep while talking pretty to the fish.